Sex is better when we understand each other. To do that, we need to talk.
My first boyfriend at university was one kinky bastard. He was twenty-three and wore a lot of black leather. I was nineteen, fresh out of high school and wonderfully naive. Luckily, he was happy to explain what he enjoyed in the bedroom.
I felt fortunate to have such a great lover. 'Wow,' I thought, 'I'm learning so much about sex!'
What he didn't explain (and I failed to realise) was that his tastes were somewhat unusual. A few years later I started dating someone new and I assumed the sex would be exactly the same as with my previous beau. So the first time my new lover and I got naked I grabbed his nipple between my thumb and forefinger and twisted it, hard.
To say he was upset about my rabid nipple attack would be an understatement. From this incident I learned that when it comes to sex, everyone is different. If you don't ask what your partner is into you may fail to satisfy - or, worse, you might make them squeal like a piglet.
Working out what partners find pleasurable is like solving a puzzle: it takes time to see the whole picture. Good communication in the bedroom accelerates this process.
It's about getting specific:
- Finding out how the other person feels - are they enjoying this? How could you do better? What are they into? How do they get off?
- Telling your partner how you feel and letting them know what you need.
Sex is a lot better once you master the art of communication. It's less awkward than you think. It helps avoid bedroom disasters like the one mentioned above. And it's much more fun than waking up the day after and worrying 'did they enjoy that as much as I did?'
Here are five ways to use your words.