Sex workers are one of the world’s most underrated resources.
I should know..I’ve been working as an escort in Australia for six years. In that time I have helped guys lose their virginity, introduced people to kink, gifted couples with their first threesomes and counselled clients through hard times in their lives. Sex work is much more than just sex for money. Sometimes sex work isn’t actually about sex at all. Whether you’re looking fun, intimacy, adventure, or learning, paying for what you need is sometimes an excellent option.
What is a Sex Worker?
A sex worker is a person who provides sexually-related services in exchange for money.
The term includes (but isn’t limited to) street sex workers, parlour workers, erotic dancers, massage workers (of the ‘rub-n-tug’ variety), peep-show performers, doms/dominatrices, escorts, cam artists and sexological bodyworkers. Some of these roles involve penetrative sex, some may offer a hand job, and some (such as dancers) might not allow touching.
Reasons to see a sex worker:
- If you’re socially awkward and you need to practice your skills with someone who will be kind to you.
- If you haven’t gotten laid in a while (looking desperate has ruined many a promising date!)
- If you have a particular kink or fetish, but you can’t find anyone else who is into it.
- If you want to try something you’re nervous about (such as a kink or sex act that’s new and scary.)
- If you want to have a threesome but can’t find suitable partners
- If you feel like getting laid without commitment or drama
- If you want to get laid NOW (and don’t want to have to spend hours swiping right)
Sex workers may be younger or older, petite or curvy, female or male (or any other gender). Sex work itself is legal in most states of Australia. If you’re not sure about the legalities in your location, you can find out by checking the Scarlet Alliance website.
The right worker can guide you through a sexual encounter, give you how-to advice, and plan an experience that addresses your specific interests. It’s okay to directly ask for what you want – our work is meant to fulfil your needs, which is why you pay (as opposed to a regular date, where both our needs are equally important.)\n\nThat’s not to say we don’t have needs at all, however. When you see a sex worker, you’re not purchasing sex. You’re purchasing our time and sexpertise, and the chance to have a specific type of encounter. How well that encounter proceeds depends on your behaviour. Connection, consent and honesty are still important. You must treat your sex worker like a human being.
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How to See a Sex Worker
1. Find the right person for you.
Depending on your state, there are a variety of ways to find people. I would recommend doing an internet search, as this turns up many options. Some states allow brothels: actual venue with private rooms and workers available to meet in person before booking a session. Other people work independently or through escort agencies, and these folk may come to you or require you visit them at their apartment or hotel. Prices range from super affordable to top-dollar, so don’t assume you can’t afford to see a sex worker; check it out first!\n\nSex workers all have different levels of skill and different personalities. Spend a while speaking with your chosen person (if only via email, or a quick chat in person) to make sure they suit you. If something isn’t feeling right or you’re not making a connection, don’t be afraid to try someone else.
2. Do your research.
Find someone who offers what you’re looking for. Read their advertisement (or ask the staff of the establishment when you arrive) so that you don’t ask too many silly questions. This includes: how much it will cost, what sort of services are on offer, etc. As with a regular date, there’s no point wasting your time on someone who doesn’t fit your needs.
3. Be a great communicator.
When you speak with the worker – whether in person or via phone or email – be honest and specific about the sort of experience you want to have (whether it’s “I just want to get laid” or “I need someone to show me how to do anal sex.”) The more specific you are, the easier it will be for your person to tell whether they are right for you. Not everyone offers all services, and they will tell you right away if they can’t provide the sort of experience you’re looking for. Keep asking until you find the right person. Also: when planning a session ahead of time, have a specific date in mind. We get ‘tyre-kickers’ all the time in this business. If you aren’t specific about when and where you’d prefer to meet, we’ll most likely assume you’re not serious about making a booking.
4. Treat it like a regular date.
Take a shower, put on your best shirt and bring your best smile. Just because you’re paying doesn’t mean you don’t need to make an effort. A sex worker, like any person, has the right to refuse sex (or indeed anything else) if they think you’re not up to standard, or if you’re being an A-hole. Sex workers are generally tolerant and understanding. So, for example, being bigger than average in the waist department, older, married or socially anxious usually won’t be a problem. But you still need to be doing your best. Paying is not free rein to be an A-hole, nor do you want to lower your standards of behaviour. The more you impress us, the better service you will receive.
5. Use your consent skills
Sex with sex workers is the same as sex with any other person. We have the right to say ‘no’ to anything we don’t like, even if it’s something we have previously agreed to. We have the right to stop at any time. And you still want your partner to have a good time, even if you’re paying them to take good care of you. So get consent, and check in often. Some folks feel that paying a sex worker means they’re entitled to do whatever they want to them. This is not the case, but it sure is a bloody quick way to get a ride in the back of a police van. We don’t put up with shit, and we do press charges…
6. Show your appreciation afterwards
Like any professional, sex workers love good feedback. It doesn’t have to come in the form of a cash tip (although that’s lovely!) Even just a ‘thank you’ will make us feel as though we’ve done a good job.
Sex workers are like everyone else: we all deserve consent, respect and honesty. In my work, I’ve found that the best encounters happen when my clients treat a booking the same as any other date. Establish a good connection first, show respect, demonstrate honesty, and you’ll find that your experience can be just as rewarding as any other hot date.
Want more info? My ebook ‘How to Have the Best Escort Date of Your Life’ explains in more detail – how to work out what you want, find someone who can give it to you, and have a rewarding encounter.