My favourite types of hook ups: an introduction to friends with benefits, one-night stands, and more…

When it comes to sex, the modern dating scene gives us plenty of options. The popularity of online dating means that people are stepping out of their comfort zones, finding partners outside of regular social circles, and trying new things in the bedroom. Dating apps have led to an explosion in the popularity of ‘hook ups’ – those sexual encounters that are too short, or too casual, to be considered romantic relationships.

Hooking up isn’t new. Humans have been doing the deed since the beginning of our existence. But nowadays, thanks to the internet, we’re actually talking about it.

When I first started picking up guys in my twenties, I assumed ‘hook up’ meant the same thing as ‘one-night stand.’ I actually had a bit of a ‘drive-through’ scenario going on: I’d get in my car, head over to my local nightclub, hang out on the dance floor for a while, pick up a hottie, and drive them back to my place. They usually slept over and in the morning I’d see them gently out the front door. As time went on, I started to experiment with other ways of getting laid. Sometimes I slept with my friends. Sometimes I hung out with the same fuck buddies and play partners for a number of years. At present, I connect with new people for play sessions regularly, while also seeing a small but select group of partners and lovers. It’s all about what feels right and how often we can all find time in our calendars to catch up.

From one-night stands to casual dating, these options are becoming more socially acceptable. Here are a few of my favourite types of hook ups, and what they mean to me.

One-night stand

This is a scenario in which you shag someone and then never see them again. In the movies it’s done as an overnighter: when the hero/heroine wakes up in the morning, they find that their partner has quietly dressed and left without saying a word. But it happens other ways too – fuck and leave, sleep over and breakfast the next day, encounter at a sex club … or even a fling with a stranger whose name you don’t remember, in your best friend’s bedroom during a party.

My favourite one-night stand took place while I was on vacation in the tropics. He was an ex-special forces soldier from the USA with lots of wild tales to tell. We bought each other drinks and shared our life adventures…then had crazy, acrobatic sex in my hotel room for the rest of the night. I felt a little sorry for the people next door, but I’ve never regretted that unforgettable combination of intimate connection and great sex.

Friend with benefits (FWB)

Someone I spend time with and whose company I enjoy, but who I also have sex with. One of the best things about finding great people to hook up with, is that often we get on just as well outside the bedroom! It doesn’t mean we’re necessarily going to end up dating, but I love being able to enjoy the company of someone I’m attracted to, even when they have their clothes on. Good friends are a valuable commodity. If one of them happens to arrive in the form of someone you’d also like to fuck…well, there’s nothing wrong with that. Whether we hook up or just hang out, I know we’re going to have fun.

Sometimes the relationship can get tricky, if we’re not honest about how we’re feeling. I’ve caught feelings for friends before, and it often meant the end of the arrangement. Nowadays, I make sure everyone is on exactly the same page about what we’re doing – and if someone starts to get feelings, we talk it out rather than trying to pretend it isn’t happening. Being honest about this stuff saves a lot of drama and means my friends with benefits stick around a lot longer.

When it comes to sex, the modern dating scene gives us plenty of options. The popularity of online dating means that people are stepping out of their comfort zones, finding partners outside of regular social circles, and trying new things in the bedroom. Dating apps have led to an explosion in the popularity of ‘hook ups’ – those sexual encounters that are too short, or too casual, to be considered romantic relationships.

Hooking up isn’t new. Humans have been doing the deed since the beginning of our existence. But nowadays, thanks to the internet, we’re actually talking about it.

When I first started picking up guys in my twenties, I assumed ‘hook up’ meant the same thing as ‘one-night stand.’ I actually had a bit of a ‘drive-through’ scenario going on: I’d get in my car, head over to my local nightclub, hang out on the dance floor for a while, pick up a hottie, and drive them back to my place. They usually slept over and in the morning I’d see them gently out the front door. As time went on, I started to experiment with other ways of getting laid. Sometimes I slept with my friends. Sometimes I hung out with the same fuck buddies and play partners for a number of years. At present, I connect with new people for play sessions regularly, while also seeing a small but select group of partners and lovers. It’s all about what feels right and how often we can all find time in our calendars to catch up.

From one-night stands to casual dating, these options are becoming more socially acceptable. Here are a few of my favourite types of hook ups, and what they mean to me.

One-night stand

This is a scenario in which you shag someone and then never see them again. In the movies it’s done as an overnighter: when the hero/heroine wakes up in the morning, they find that their partner has quietly dressed and left without saying a word. But it happens other ways too – fuck and leave, sleep over and breakfast the next day, encounter at a sex club … or even a fling with a stranger whose name you don’t remember, in your best friend’s bedroom during a party.

My favourite one-night stand took place while I was on vacation in the tropics. He was an ex-special forces soldier from the USA with lots of wild tales to tell. We bought each other drinks and shared our life adventures…then had crazy, acrobatic sex in my hotel room for the rest of the night. I felt a little sorry for the people next door, but I’ve never regretted that unforgettable combination of intimate connection and great sex.

Friend with benefits (FWB)

Someone I spend time with and whose company I enjoy, but who I also have sex with. One of the best things about finding great people to hook up with, is that often we get on just as well outside the bedroom! It doesn’t mean we’re necessarily going to end up dating, but I love being able to enjoy the company of someone I’m attracted to, even when they have their clothes on. Good friends are a valuable commodity. If one of them happens to arrive in the form of someone you’d also like to fuck…well, there’s nothing wrong with that. Whether we hook up or just hang out, I know we’re going to have fun.

Sometimes the relationship can get tricky, if we’re not honest about how we’re feeling. I’ve caught feelings for friends before, and it often meant the end of the arrangement. Nowadays, I make sure everyone is on exactly the same page about what we’re doing – and if someone starts to get feelings, we talk it out rather than trying to pretend it isn’t happening. Being honest about this stuff saves a lot of drama and means my friends with benefits stick around a lot longer.

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Fuck buddy

My definition of a fuck buddy is someone who, like a friend with benefits, is around on an ongoing basis. In this type of arrangement, it’s more about the sex than the friendship; I’m usually friends with this person specifically because we want to bang each other.

It’s not about getting off and then running away. Even though the relationship is mostly about the sex, there’s always room for mutual enjoyment and shared interests. I find that the best fuck buddy sex happens when we get together for sex, but also have a drink or a chat afterwards. It’s nice to know that the people I’m sleeping with see me as good company no matter what we’re getting up to.

Play partner

I use this term to describe the folks I do kink stuff with, because kink can be really playful. But honestly, all good sex should be playful, right? If you enjoy getting together with someone and experimenting in the bedroom, the term ‘play partner’ might work for you too.

Lover

At this point, I can hear you saying,”Wait, what? We’re not supposed to have feelings for our hook-ups, what’s all this about love and shit?” I believe emotions and feelings do have a place in every hook-up, no matter how brief. So, for me, a lover is someone I don’t intend to have a long-term or full-time relationship with, but that I see regularly and have a lot of affection for. It’s hard to manage the feelings around a lover-type relationship, but I find it rewarding when it’s done right.

Honestly, there are as many ways of hooking up as there are people. I hope that by sharing a few of my faves, I’ve given you an idea of what might be possible. Now it’s time for you to ask yourself, ‘What do I really want?’ Because no matter what you’re looking for, chances are there’s someone out there who wants the same. And as long as you’re honest about what you need, there’s a good chance you’ll find it.

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Sometimes a hook-up is everything I need: interesting, emotionally connected, sexy as fuck. It’s these interludes that restore my faith in the process. Even though it’s hit-and-miss, it’s totally possible to have brief encounters that fulfill my needs – amazing connections that are no less valuable for being brief.

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